Monday, February 6, 2012

The truth about pregnancy.

Pregnancy is completely glamorized.  When Jason and I found out we were pregnant, I thought I would feel like a beautiful earth mother for an entire nine months.  I mean, yeah, it is amazing to create life, but it's also incredibly disgusting.
I have never felt so repulsed and amazed by my body in my entire life.  Don't get me wrong, I love my new rounding belly and the fact that I'm actually getting something that most people call their butt (I've always called it lower back number 2.)
NO ONE, and I mean no one, talks about how crumby being pregnant is, but I'm going to.
Somebody has to do it.

The pro's of pregnancy:
  1. You get a really sweet babe in return, after suffering for nine months straight.
  2. Your boobs get huge.  (This can be a pro, and it can also be a con.)
  3. Your belly is really cute once it starts to round out.
  4. Your hair gets really shiny and strong, and it grows really quickly.
  5. Everyone treats you like royalty.  (Not too shabby.)

The con's of pregnancy:
  1. You burp all the time.  (Watch out if you're a gal who burps a lot anyway.)
  2. You pass gas all the time.  (Ditto on number one.)
  3. Most people feel like they are going to vomit for three months straight, if not longer.  (If you are the exception, you can suck my toe.)
  4. Sometimes when you sneeze, you pee yourself a little.
  5. Back pain.
  6. Weird, vivid dreams.
  7. Bloody noses.
  8. You have to purchase a brand new wardrobe. (For yourself, and then your babe's.)
  9. You can't drink coffee or alcohol anymore.  (Again, this can be seen as a pro or con.  For me, I miss my morning latte.)
  10. You can't even eat Wisconsin Fish Fry OR a spicy tuna roll.
  11. You are tired, pretty much all the time.
  12. Your breasts hurt half the time.
  13. Swollen feet.
  14. Heart Burn  (did I mention that this also can lead to vomiting, even if you're not nauseous?  Oh yeah.  It does.)
  15. Killer leg cramps. 
  16. Excessive sweating.
  17. Your skin gets weird like a teenager's.
  18. Your balance is off.  (Say goodbye to your stiletto's, sister.)
  19. One minute you are elated, and the next you are scream-crying.

Here I am basking in the sunlight of my glorious pregnancy, sipping a virgin bloody mary.  
Yes, they are glorious too.
But they actually are.


Sarah Bell said...

Good for you for posting this! Never been pregnant myself, but now I know what I have to look forward to.

-Sarah Bell

merelythemoon said...

Sarah! Jason and I miss both you and Joe tons! How is your back lately??

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